maybe just rambling

has life ever just hit you? you know what i mean. in big ways or small, just hits you. in a good way though...ya know. maybe this isn't the right way to start this off, but i'm not quite sure how else to.

i sat outside for a good part of the day today with william. we lay on the lounge chair and i read part of the bible to him while he just looked at me and looked at the trees and listened. we took a nap together under the umbrella and then played and laughed. a great day. i just look at him and can't even begin to describe the amount of love i have for this tiny little person.

i watched the show called the bachelorette tonight, by myself because erik thinks it's garbage. maybe it is, but this silly reality show made me fall in love with my husband even more. this woman is trying to choose between four guys now. all of which have different qualities that she loves about them. in my eyes, erik's the one(my husband of course). the best friend that makes you laugh and has such great passion for everything he does, the amazing father who loves his son so much that it makes your eyes well up, the guy who you can't be with him without wanting to always be holding his hand or being by his side, and the perfect all around guy who you always feel safe and secure with. it's my guy. poor girl can't choose him though!

we had a wedding last night and a party the night before that and all our friends were there. both nights i remember stopping, looking at erik and saying, look around. how amazing that we have such incredible friends.

i talked to my brother today, and we got talking about his wedding coming up. for all who don't know him, he's not one to show his feelings all too often. today he said something about his wife-t0-be and followed it up with "we just have fun ya know?" right there was the moment i realized he's truly happy and is going to be for a very long time.

i just got a phone call from my dad. i missed the call at first, but the voice mail said...just sitting here in front of radio city music hall and thought i would give you a call, talk to you later. i called him back and we talked for a bit about everything. my brother's wedding, william, work, all the usual things. this phone call got me thinking. i'm the one he calls. to tell me how his day went, what he's feeling, thinking about, worried about. it's me he calls. my mom is the same way. calls to tell me who she's meeting at the mall, wondering what my opinion is on this or that. i always thought it was a pretty big responsibility to be that person to my parents, but i finally get it now.

i love my son more than i ever thought i could love someone. before this, i didn't know what a parents love was all about, but now i do. so i will get out of bed when i'm exhausted and talk to my dad about his day because it will complete his. and i will put down the twelve things in my hands and talk to my mom about her day at work because it will help her unwind, because i'm that person to them and i love them.

i guess in my own muddled way i say all of this to say i'm blessed. sure i sat outside in my screen porch today with only one screen left from the winter tearing them down, and i sleep with a bucket at the foot of my bed to catch the drips from a leaky roof. but non of that matters. i'm sure there's some really great quote from some really eloquent author that says something about being rich with the love of friends and family. that would probably wrap this up nicely. oh well, here goes...

as sat on the floor tonite in my sons room, and with tears filling my eyes i prayed. all i could do was to thank God. i couldn't do anything else but to thank Him. my life may not be perfect, but today, to me, it sure seems to be.